DO SOMETHING.

i never seem to let myself stay miserable for too long. about thirty minutes ago, i was filled with feelings of loneliness, disappointment, and self-doubt- disappointment in myself and in my increasing inability to connect with people; doubt about my future and about my life. someone once told me that the space you live in reflects who you are, and well, my room is usually a mess, so i guess i'm a mess, too. i got off my ass and vacuumed, cleaned my bathroom counter, and wrote "DO SOMETHING" all over my bathroom mirror. professor manovich said something about precision in my art and technology class today, and it hit home. all my life, i have half-assed everything, gotten by, been granted with some breaks i probably didn't deserve. it's starting to occur to me now that in the "real world," people who half-ass are going no where fast. ms. slatkin told me something about craftmanship when she reviewed my portfolio, and it was then that i realized if i wanna be an artist, i can't just say "fuck it" if i cut a corner too closely. I can't say "oh well," when i get spray mount on the front of my photograph. I can't say "that'll do" if something's not perfect. i think a lot of my uncertainties lately have been caused by my recent sobriety. no more smoking at night, no more drinking, no more drugs. it's only been a few days, but that's a few days more than the norm. i've actually had free time to reflect. i've been painting and rearranging. i've been looking for jobs and taking care of things. i've been exercising and trying to be healthier. and i've been thinking a lot. i've been ruminating over my lifestyle, realizing that things need to change, not soon, but NOW. i need to fucking DO SOMETHING, man. something myself, with my life, with my talents, with my intelligence, with my privileges, with every fucking fiber of my being that i've been given.