as i was about to venture off into experimental film land, i started thinking about drugs. as an advocate of controversial issues, drugs is one of my favorite topics. jon lee once told me that i was the first person to get him to realize that drugs aren't bad. now, i'm not sure if that's something to be proud of (the majority probably thinks it's not), but perhaps i can present you with a different perspective.
i told him that drugs are simply a different way of experiencing your consciousness. you're still you, just a bit more open and perhaps in a different dimension.
before i started reading the lyrical vomit of richard foreman, i kind of traveled back in my 16-year old mind and thought, "i've been sober for sixteen years. i think it's time to feel something else."
it was new years eve of my 16th year of life when i first drank alcohol. granted, it was just a tiny bottle of smirnoff ice, but you gotta start small. then it was the new years eve of following year when i first smoked weed. it was out of an aluminum bud light can in brad's backyard near the jacuzzi, and granted, i didn't feel anything, because i'm pretty sure i smoked it wrong, but nonetheless, the taste of delectable mary jane smoke filled my mouth.
i told myself it would stop there, that i would never try anything else, but as they say, marijuana is the gateway drug, but (i've used this line before) i do believe it's the gateway to heaven. that is, if heaven equals shrooms, ecstacy, and adderall. i probably shouldn't be so candid about this, because to most people, drugs are a big deal, but really, they're not. jerry rubin once said that the only expert on marijuana is the one who smokes marijuana. you can talk your shit, if you're one of those people bound to the constructs of society, but i can rise above and say that i see past all of it. all the institutions, all the prejudice, all the unprecedented religious ideals, all the things we're taught we "should" do or "should" be; i'm free.
the eve of my 20th birthday was my first trip on shrooms, and i entered a new decade through another galaxy. i lost my ability to distinguish so-called reality from the fabrications of my toxin-ed brain. new years eve of 2008 was my first trip on ecstacy, and it's been a journey through the universe of emotions since then. i've felt things most people will never feel. i don't recall when exactly i first tried adderall, but it was sometime during spring quarter of 2008 writing a paper on the punk rock movement for LTWL120 class, and for a while, it was my favorite drug. it enabled me to succumb to the institutions and responsibilities i despise. i called it the "no bullshit drug."
"i've been sober for sixteen years. i think it's time to feel something else," but much in the same way, too much of any feeling is no good. your body knows when it's had enough, but your mind keeps wanting more, and it's the balance between the two that keeps you sane.
the mind is the most powerful thing in the world- some religions even believe that it can heal the body, and although some may attribute it to coincidence, i've willed things to happen without even lifting a finger. drugs hold the key to open your mind and set it free, and you'll literally find your head in the clouds, but you must never lose sight of the ground.
balance, balance, balance.. it's all about balance. just like my yaya tells me.
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